The talk with your supervisor

Preparing the discussion

During this e-Learning Tool we have repeatedly referred to the talk with your supervisor. And in fact, there are many occasions when your supervisor is challenged because your own possibilities for reducing stress or developing resources are limited. For example:

• If your work seems to be pointless, the responsibilities are not clarified, you get too much or too less information, your latitude or control options are limited;
• If you have little impact on your working hours and breaks, you feel burdened by emotional work and if you need better equipment or something is wrong in your work environment, then you should seek a dialogue. The same applies in the case that you have already noticed your body giving overload signals and you have to be concerned about your health.

Courage-making strategies for talking with the supervisor

• Remember your successes!
• Keep in mind that you want to enjoy your retirement!
• Let yourself be encouraged by others

(they should be as neutral as possible)

• Assume that your supervisor means well for you!
• Tell yourself, “I still need my health. And I only have one life.”

By using these three steps when talking with your supervisor, many situations can be dealt with in a manner, so that he or she does not feel attacked:

1. Describing the perceived situation:

I’ve noticed that in the last 3 weeks you have often called me after work.

2. Describing the effect (and possibly bring you own values):

Because of this, I have to think about work and cannot recover in the evening / sleep well. My private life is very important to me; I also need it to recover for the next day.

3. Formulating wishes for the future (and possibly formulate and alternative proposal):

Therefore I ask you, not to call me after 6 p.m.. If you send me an email, it will be the first thing I´ll work on in the morning.

And then you inquire whether your supervisor agrees. You can even include something like “It is advantageous for both of us, that I´m well recovered for work.”  

Tips for talking with the supervisor

What should you keep in mind in this conversation which maybe requires courage?

• Do not just say “no” or “I must have” – justify your desire.
• Provide alternative or compromise proposals so that your supervisor can choose from several options.
• Avoid accusations (for something in the past); rather express wishes for the future.
• Please make sure not to attack your supervisor personally (“This is not aimed against you; it is important for me”).
• Assume that both of you (!) are interested in making your employees feel comfortable at work; in the talk you can express this thought.
• Avoid whining. Stay objective, even if the theme is close to your heart. It may be helpful for you to practice this conversation in advance with someone you trust.
• And now: Make an appointment! And say directly, without going into too much detail, what you want to talk about; e.g.: “I would like to tell you, how I’m currently feeling about the task XY” or “I would like to talk with you about our break rules; I have some suggestions, which you may also find good.”
• In the first conversation completely avoid threats such as: “Otherwise I will go to the works council”